If You Buy The Kids A Puppy

                                        
                                               Clayjack = Photoshop Superman.  Thanks, buddy.

If you move to a house on a private lane with a big yard, the kids will want a puppy.

If you cave and buy the kids a puppy, the puppy will be a crazily energetic black lab mix.

If you get a crazily energetic black lab mix, you’ll have to take her for daily walks in the woods near your house (which are quite lovely, in fact, and I totally recommend a regular walk in the woods for anybody with or without canine accompaniment).

If you go for a daily walk in the woods near your house, you will probably run into your father, who lives close by and also has a dog (you’d actually be surprised by how often this happens).

If you run into your father, you’ll probably stop and talk to him near a muddy embankment where the dogs will run up and down the hill into and out of the creek.

If your dog runs up and down the hill into and out of the creek, she might just get her front leg stuck between a root and the ground.

If she gets her front leg stuck between the root and the ground, you might just reach down and try to free her as she howls in fear and pain.

If you reach down and try to free her as she screams in fear and pain, she might very well bite your hand really hard, turning it into a sort of gory, hamburger-looking mess.

If she bites your hand really hard, turning it into a sort of gory, hamburger-looking mess, you will have to wrap it tightly in an awesome blue shirt you heisted out of the clean laundry pile in the Phys. Ed department’s lost and found, thereby rendering it bloody and unreturnable.

If you wrap it tightly in the shirt, you will still have done nothing at all to help your dog as her front leg breaks in two places, and actually a dog’s front leg is really an arm, complete with radius and ulna, or, in this case, broken radius and ulna.

If your dog’s leg breaks in two places, you will thank the good lord baby jesus that you ran into your dad because somebody needs to stay with the dog while you get your bloody fist and two vaguely hysterical offspring back to the car.

If you get your bloody fist and vaguely hysterical offspring back to the car, you might be lucky enough to see your husband, who has been called by your father, come screaming into the parking lot of the dog- walking- woods and take off running into the wilderness, only to return in five minutes carrying a fifty pound dog in his arms.

If you are lucky enough to see your husband yadda yadda yadda, you will probably spend a good part of the night and some of the morning hours in the veterinary hospital and the human hospital.

If you spend a good part of the night and some of the morning hours in the veterinary hospital and the human hospital, you will suddenly change your car buying plans to the effect that the car you are getting just got a lot smaller and quite a bit older.

If you spend a boatload of money on dog surgery to the detriment of your car buying plans, everybody will be OK and you might even just realize that you do love your dog more than you thought you did, even though she shreds cardboard boxes and scratches paint off the door.

And chances are, if you realize that you do love your dog more than you thought you did, you’ll be glad you let your kids talk you into getting a puppy.
    

Updated 3/23/10 9 pm:

Puppy home.

              

Comments

  1. Heather says:

    Holy crikey. What if all of that had happened without your dad and your husband, but only you and the kids! I’m really glad she’s going to be ok? Wow. I only hope you don’t suffer from PTSD from it.

  2. Oh my goodness! Poor Bingo! Poor WRH! That is so super stinky!

    And, I think it’s cute how much you love your dog. I love my dog, too. ANd my husband, who didn’t want the dog in the first place? Totally talks to her in a baby voice and kisses her.

    Hope the kids aren’t too freaked out.

  3. The Hussy says:

    This totally made me cry and not because I’m pms-ing. Sydney fell through the ice on our pond last Friday and when I finally heard her whimpering she was barely hanging on. I screamed for Austin like it was one of my own children. And after he, too, saved the day by crawling out to her on his belly, I realized that I loved her and him and them a bunch more. Amazing how love has no boundaries. I’m glad all is okay and that you won’t have rabies from your animal bite ;)

  4. RuthWells says:

    Poor, poor WRH! It’s horrible when the babies (human or canine) are sick.

  5. goofdad says:

    Oh, WOW! I’m so sorry this happened.

    I’m going to have to forward this to my mother … mom’s dog just jumped out of my 6 year old’s arms and broke her foreleg … and bit the heck out of her hand. Fortunately for her, her dog is a toy poodle, so the bite isn’t as bad as yours, but still … what a coincidence!

  6. kay young says:

    ok.. no caps. i’m sitting at my desk under my 7 lb poodle who jumped from grandaughter’s arms, breaking both bones in her-the dog’s- left front paw, which caused the bites to gramma, and the looooong saturday, 2and 1/2 days at the vet,the now chewed off iv, and has a 9 inch cast
    that live in the house that jack built
    ps jack was a hack.

  7. Kelly says:

    Oh, sweeties (you and your pup). Hope her leg (arm?) and your hand are feeling back to normal ASAP.

  8. Kassi says:

    nicely played

  9. magpie says:

    Ouch. Feel better, all of you.

  10. pamela says:

    i will never have a dog.

  11. MommaKiss says:

    first, love those books. second, pooch is cute. just read JYIS – i was pretty vocal about the fact that i’d pay to fix that pooch no matter what.

  12. heatherw says:

    Hope you have a smooth recovery – and your little dog, too.

  13. Meg says:

    Holy Moses, girl. I always say I do not love my dog that much. But you know, I’m full of talk. How did that impact your bowling??

  14. ellen says:

    That’s an awful story and I hope everyone recovers quickly from the trauma and injury. When my dog jumped off the roof and ruptured her ACL I too was willing to pay huge vet bills even though I know her to be a bitch of bad character and irresponsible to boot. Love has no boundaries indeed.

  15. obedience training for dogs

    I’ll keep an eye out for your next piece of work.

  16. dog rain coats

    I hope to see a lot more like this in the future.

  17. dog biting problems

    I’d love to hear more from you like this.

  18. Mr Lady says:

    PUPPY KILLER. :)

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge