It’s that time of year, the leaves are turning, the air is getting brisk, and thoughts turn to apple picking and family celebrations.
Actually, it’s been really muggy, raining cats and dogs, and I still haven’t managed to pack away the beach stuff from our trip to North Carolina in August.
My inability to get with the autumnal program, however, has not deterred the fashion magazines from issuing their annual “Here’s what you will want to be wearing now” directives.
Let’s see what we’ve got to work with, shall we?
This kind of nonsense needs to stop immediately. This shoe, and all other bootie-ish, strappy, high on the foot, hooker-high heels are ugly and will always be ugly. I don’t care who wears them and with what, you cannot put lipstick on THIS particular pig. 
On the other hand, the bag pictured above is the kind of accessory you should be selecting this season. And if you pick one up for yourself, get one for me, too. This one is from Banana Republic, whose products are otherwise better suited for six foot tall glamazons weighing 78 pounds. 
I don’t really know what to say about this, other than I’m guessing somebody doesn’t have a mirror. I’m pretty certain that I detect actual zippers on those shoes. And, oh look. The shoes are booty-ish in nature and have mile-high hooker heels. Nice socks, by the way. Please pay particular attention to the quantity of mesh involved, as this will be a motif throughout the Full Frontal Fall Fashion Extravaganza.
Interesting phenomenon here: after viewing the picture directly preceding it, this outfit looks almost sane. Trust me, though, if you hadn’t seen the exhibitionist clown get-up first, you would be appalled by this. As if the dress isn’t sufficiently dreadful, the Rambo style headband that appears to have been cut from a section of the hem of the “dress” really does add a whole new layer of WTF.
If red is your thing, and you don’t want to go with the Red Carpet Crime Against Humanity, you might go with this ensemble from Ann Taylor. I’m not a big fan of the bracelet over high leather gloves look, which is a little too dominatrix hurts so good for me, and that belt looks like it might actually inhibit deep breathing. Nevertheless, I like the red as a coat – sans belt – and the rest of it is classic and tidy.
I’m starting to discern a few trends in the Fall lineup. Very feminine, to be sure. Perhaps, excessively so. Belts, not my thing, but OK. Perhaps Tiffany blue wasn’t the color to go with here; I’d have chosen something more, I don’t know, matching? Also, the visible underwear seems to be happening with alarming frequency. Maybe some lingerie that doesn’t look my grandmother’s Playtex Cross Your Heart 18 hour jobbie might have been a little more stylish in this case? Just sayin’.
Another trend I’m picking up on here is the intentional use of lace as the primary material for an article of clothing, as opposed to just trim or accent. Yet another trend: looking like you’ve accidentally left the house in a nightie you bought at the Vegas Bunny Ranch as a gag gift for your best girlfriend. Visible underwear in this case would actually be a little reassuring. I’m assuming the child is her own and not an accessory, but I’m not going to count on it. 
Did you notice that the pictures of cute things are tiny and the heinous things are huge? What’s up with that? So here’s a dress. I like the dress. I’ve been seeing a lot of dresses. I think I should buy a dress. I can’t tell what’s happening with the shoes but they look suspiciously booty-like or beribboned a la Red Carpet Hot Mess.
Fall Fashion Check List:
lace – check
visible underwear – check
dress – check
ugly booties – check
My work here is done.
I am appalled. I looked through every photo in this post. Three times. All I can say is, I think it should be your duty to continue to bring these mesh and lace criminals to the forefront, posting these disgusting pictures as often as possible.
The boots! They wiped out all the other comments that were rolling around in my head.
I got on the fall band wagon this weekend and packed up all my kids’ summer clothes. All four of them sweated their proverbial balls off today. Go figure.
Lace should probably be restricted to doilies. I sooooo do not get those stupid boot shoe heels.
I do, however, love the red trench coat. Bought myself one last year, and I have to confess I feel oh so fancy in it.
…babspeapod
Lace? Ugh.
Boots? Ugh.
Belts? If I currently was in possession of a beltable waist, I would attempt it. Fortunately/unfortunately, the belly is now large enough that people want to touch me. I’m on track to be the size of a dirigible by April.
This also rules out the lacy anything for me.
I also packed up the summer stuff but I ALWAYS leave a few tees out and a few pairs of shorts, because we are a family that wears shorts until it is in the 50s. And flip flops. We are weird that way.
And the boots – EW! EW! EW! See-through lace! EW! EWWWEWWWWWW!
I like the lace, not in this picture, but I just went to a wedding and wore a black lace Jessica McClintock dress.
So happy that you left a comment! It made my day, and I would never expect you to put me in your blogroll. The way I get around any such expectations is to have friends who don’t have blogs. In any case, I should probably amend my statement to say that yours is the blog I read last (the best!) in my reader feed. Gracias again.
Oh, and those shoebooty thingies? If I saw my wife wearing them I believe I would fall over dead.
In a good way.
If you take Mae West, turn her into a boot made from men’s clothes from the ’20s, that’s what she’d look like.
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Yea I agree with you on those lace comments.
But I actually love those heels. Yea, they can use some touches finishing the design aspect, but I think they are absolutely gorgeous.
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