Pulling the Veil From Their Eyes

Every once in a while, I’ll say something, and my kids look at me like I’m an alien.

OH ALRIGHT.  More like once a day.  But every once in a while they look at me like I”m an alien because they have learned something about me that makes them have an “Woman, I don’t even KNOW who you ARE” moment.  The other night at dinner, I started a sentence with, “When I lived in San Francisco…” and my daughter almost fell off her chair.  “San Francisco???!!! You never lived in California!”  Like I was lying.

Pull up a chair, kiddies, it’s time you learned some of what makes your Mama your Mama:

She went away to sleepover camp starting when she was eight and every summer after that until she was 14. Uncle Booger hated camp.  The only time she remembers actually being nice to him during their entire childhood was the summer their parents made Uncle Booger go to camp and he was miserable the whole time.

She speaks French pretty well.

She used to play ice hockey.  Poorly, but enthusiastically.

She used to manage an art gallery, not a cool, hip art gallery, but a touristy commercial art gallery on Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco (Did too live in California, so there).

She can waterski.  Well.

She used to smoke.  And not just a little bit or occasionally.  Sorry to say.

When she was 26, she won her age group in a 5K.  She was the only entrant in her age group, but that’s a detail she sometimes leaves out of the story.

Until she had children who learned to swim in waters populated by fish, she was phobic about fish.  Not just scared of fish, mind you, but phobic.  She’d started to force herself to get over it a few years before, but she didn’t want you to be afraid so she never let on that she hated swimming in water when there were fish around when she was with you.  She’s not really that afraid anymore.

Snakes, on the other hand, are a totally different story.  And she doesn’t care if you know it.

Your dad was the first guy she ever felt romantic love for.  And the first guy she ever said “I love you” to.  It was a long time ago.   She didn’t know what love really was back then.  But she does now.   Different kind of love, but the same guy!

She didn’t learn to drive until she was almost 18.  And then didn’t drive much until she was about 20.  She is, nevertheless, an excellent driver and an even better parallel parker.  Despite what your father might say.

After high school she lived for a summer in Newport, Rhode Island with her three best friends.  According to your grandfather, the Geez, it was the “most expensive summer he never had.”

She almost went to law school.

She can’t watch anyone brush their teeth.  Including you.  Including herself.  Instant gagfest.

She has driven across the country by herself three times.

She loathes musical theater and parades.

By the time she was 8, she’d been to Denmark, Norway, Sweden, England, Germany, France, Belgium, Scotland, Africa, Greece, Wales, and the Caribbean.  She figures she’d better get on the ball and, at minimum, get your passports ready.

She used to travel to see the Grateful Dead.  Not exactly a Dead Head, but there was tie dye involved.

Sometimes when you aren’t home, she watches Phineas and Ferb anyway.

The Traditional Ten Year Anniversary Gift is Tin

We’re good for tin foil sweetheart.  And I’ve got enough empty Diet Pepsi cans in the back of both cars to cover us for the next ten, so I think we can safely count the seven perfect days in Staniel Cay as celebration enough, don’t you?

As you said the other day, if we’d only tied the knot in our twenties, we’d be sending our kids off to college instead of elementary school right now.  But I guess the important thing is not when we got here, but that we got here.  And you and I both know that neither of us would trade a minute of what we have in store for us with these two in the coming years (OK, maybe some of the minutes).

I can’t decide if ten years seems like a long time or a short time.  Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, because it’s only a little sliver of forever, which seems like exactly the right amount of time to me.

Happy anniversary.*

*a day early, because what better way to celebrate ten wonderful years of marriage than spending a day in a car on the interstate with two kids and a hyperactive dog?

The Bay: Nine to Forty-Two

I started going to sleep away camp, a YMCA camp called Camp Tockwogh (that would be a silent “GH” there at the end for those uninitiated among you), when I was about nine, maybe ten, but I have a distinct memory of being in about third grade.  The mostly white, upper middle class, either Protestant or Jewish (can’t explain it, but there it is) campers were, naturally, divided into their Indian (it was the 70′s, they were Indians then) villages and then further into their Indian cabins.  I started out as a Pawnee Navajo, then was a Chickasaw, then, finally a Ute.  That’s when most of the kissing and sneaking around at night happened.

But that’s not the point.

The point is that Camp Tockwogh was perched on a cliff overlooking the Chesapeake Bay in Worton, Maryland.  The days were divided into four activity periods, during which campers could do arts and crafts, softball, tennis, horseback riding, archery, riflery (hello!??  try to get that one past the lawyers today), swimming lessons, canoeing, and a bunch of other stuff.  I probably played tennis every once in a while, but pretty much for 9 straight years, I spent my mornings sailing and my afternoons water-skiing.  Or sailing again.

If you’ve never been on or in the Chesapeake Bay, particularly the Northern part, it’s not exactly Caribbean blue.  It’s a hell of a lot cleaner now that it used to be, and it’s still quite brown.  We’d sit at the long lunchtables in the dining hall at Tockwogh in between the morning sailing and afternoon water-skiing with beards of dried “bay scum” on our faces.  Niiiiiice.  The bay is, like I said, much cleaner now, but it’s still murky and silty.   I’m generally a little wimpy about water I can’t see through, but maybe because I grew up in it and in August in Maryland it’s so damn hot you’d just about swim in a cesspool to beat the heat, so the water in the Bay doesn’t bother me one bit.*

While mostly I sailed Sunfish, when I was younger I learned in larger groups sailing a chunky, deep cockpit boat called a Flying Scot, and when I was older they let me loose on a Laser from time to time.  To be clear, I wasn’t a particularly spectacular sailor, mostly I just tooled around on the bay with my friends, having bailer fights, working on my tan, and flirting with boys, but I spent about six hours a day, sometimes more, swimming in that murky brown water of the Chesapeake Bay for weeks at a time during much of my youth.

When there was no wind, the sailing instructors would zoom by in their Boston Whalers and flip our Sunfish to make us practice righting the boats.   When a summer thunderstorm brewed up out of nowhere, we learned how to take down our masts and lay them alongside the boats so we wouldn’t be easy targets for lightning;  it never occurred to us to be scared.  When we turned 15 and had to pass lifesaving tests, they made us sail out to the shipping channel, jump off the boats, tie them to the Whalers to be towed in, and swim back to shore.  I loved everything about camp, except the six foot black snake we once found in Audrey’s bunk one afternoon, but I loved sailing on the bay the most.

My husband’s family has always had a part ownership of a sailboat on the bay.  The first time I remember going out with them on the boat was when I was still in high school.  His older sister was planning a wedding that, for reasons long forgotten – at least by me – (it’s cool – she did better) never happened.  I sat in the back seat and looked at bridal magazines with her and thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  I remember absolutely nothing about that day sailing, but I remember eating crabs at The Tap Room in Chesapeake City on the way home.  The next trip I remember was the two of us and his parents and we ate at the Bayard House, which was a much more elegant option than the Tap Room.  I think his parents were hoping to create a romantic mood.  Mission accomplished, obviously.  About five years earlier.   I remember little about that day sailing as well.  But there have been so many days on the bay, and some nights, too, since then, and they all leave the same kind of imprints.

Even when it’s scorching hot and the air is so steamy it chokes you, if you’re out on the Bay and there’s a breeze, you’re doing OK.  This time of year the water is warmer than I’d like it to be, but just cool enough to revive us and make us feel like eating lunch was do-able.  We motor out of the marina, and I forget every time how quiet it is as soon as we cut the engine and are under sail, especially if we’re lucky enough to be clear of any one on jet skis.   My favorite spot to stop for lunch is on the Corsica River, but that’s not an option if the boat isn’t lodged at a Marina near there.  Yesterday, though, when it was so hot at home we thought we might perish or commit acts of violence towards each other, the Bay saved us.  We hustled south, stopping only to stock the cooler.

Once out on the water, we found the breeze, we found a great spot to swim, we found the quiet, and we even found some bald eagles and cormorants and ospreys.  Ultimately, we found the restorative we needed.  And we found a big mess of crabs at the Tap Room on the drive home.

My husband, who is the true sailor of the family, is teaching my kids how to sail.  When the time comes, perhaps I’ll teach them how to dominate a water fight and apply their own sunscreen.  We often sail right by Tockwogh’s sandy cliffs and beach, and I can see the Sunfishes cutting abbreviated zigzag tacks out from shore and back again, and occasionally stopping for a bailer fight.

*Note:  Back in the olden days, when I went to camp, there was no pool. Now, of course, there’s a pool.  Probably also maids.  And other newfangled stuff, like electricity.