Parent of the Year

A Little Learning is a Dangerous Thing

February 20, 2013 By The Well Read Hostess 5 Comments

My kid came home from school yesterday and told me all about the dangers of angel dust and how even using cocaine one time can give you a heart attack, like it did Len Bias, who wasn’t a bad person but someone who made a bad choice.

Alrighty then.

My 9 year old daughter is discovering what it feels like to have friends who, out of the clear blue sky, get pissed off and stop talking to her but won’t tell her why. Then the next day want to be her best friend again.

They both overheard me on the phone last week as I heard very upsetting news about something that happened to a family in our community. As I discussed the graphic details over the phone trying to parse out what had actually occurred vs. what people were saying had occurred, their level of anxiety grew, because to them, families are where things stay safe, not where things become unsafe.

My children have inherited their senses of humor from their parents. They have become, I am a little ashamed to admit, fans of Saturday Night Live. Totally inappropriate for a 3rd grader and probably for a 5th grader, but a lot of it flies over their heads (she says, crossing her fingers). The younger one is especially fond of Weekend Update. I confess to being a bit proud of that.

I don’t remember much of when they were tiny…not the day to day anyway. When I look at pictures I can recall details and their quirks and individual cutenesses, but the ins and outs of daily living with a six month old and a nine month old and a one year old and a…you get the picture, I don’t remember. This fact breaks my heart.

On the flip side, I have kids who ask me to explain the Arab-Israeli conflict at the dinner table.

On the other flip side – how many sides can we flip – my husband and I had a lengthy debate in hushed tones in the kitchen the other evening about how much it might or might not freak them out if they knew the reality of global warming.

This is one of my favorite poems:

Sentimental Moment or Why Did the Baguette Cross the Road?

by Robert Hershon

Don’t fill up on bread
I say absent-mindedly
The servings here are huge

My son, whose hair may be
receding a bit, says
Did you really just
say that to me?

What he doesn’t know
is that when we’re walking
together, when we get
to the curb
I sometimes start to reach
for his hand

Filed Under: Facts of Life, I Just Make Most of This Up, Keeping it Real, Parent of the Year Tagged With: Global Warming, irresponsible parenting, my memory is crap, parenting, Robert Hershon, Saturday Night Live

The Voices in Your Head Are Idiots. Also They are You.

January 31, 2013 By The Well Read Hostess 2 Comments

Most of the time, you should tell the voices in your head to shut the hell up.

Exceptions:

I am over 85% sure I left the oven on.

Didn’t I bring more kids than this to the mall?

THAT is definitely a lump and I need to get it checked out.

I deserve more “me” time.

Cake makes everything better.

But otherwise, in my admittedly limited experience, the voices in your head, ok, my head, are idiots. Also, they are you. OK, me.

Those voices tend towards the confirmation bias. That is, reinforcing what you already believe to be true about yourself, always in the negative. Or they compare you unfavorably towards other people you know, especially if you particularly admire those people and definitely if you envy them at all.

Related, and much more interesting than anything I just wrote, read this great piece from the New York Times about parenting roles.

Filed Under: Facts of Life, I Just Make Most of This Up, Parent of the Year Tagged With: gender roles, mommy wars, parenting

Memory Meals

January 27, 2012 By The Well Read Hostess 7 Comments

I never have an answer when someone asks me what my favorite food is. There are certainly things I love to eat, but I am hard pressed to say what my absolute favorite is. I like to go out to eat, but not necessarily to the big time, big name expensive restaurants. I do remember distinctly, growing up, a few special meals. There were meals that signified certain occasions or events or even just represented a celebratory mood. There was crown roast – big event, usually a holiday. A French restaurant in the city – not usually for any occasion but a family affair, time to act like a respectable human being. Fancy brunch in a hotel – special occasion or celebration. And then there was fondue. At home, not usually for any particular reason, but it certainly didn’t happen on just any old Tuesday, maybe it was over a holiday break or extended vacation period at home.

My son eats anything. Sushi? Why not! Indian food – sure. Hey, want to try some octopus? Abso-lutely.

My daughter. Not so much. Food can’t be touching and must be being in color. Possibly yellow. Occasionally orange. If it’s a month with a “Y” in it.

So I made fondue. Modified. No wine, I made a roux, added a lot of milk, stirred in Gruyere and cheddar. Weird consistency, so I whisked it a lot. It needed a ton of salt and pepper not to be bland. Frankly, regular cheese fondue with wine and kirsch is a ton better, but I knew that would never sell. We ate it with crusty bread, tomatoes, cauliflower, and green peppers. And by “we” I mean three of us. One of us ate a lot of bread and melty cheese.

Good times were had by all. So much, in fact, that I forgot to take a picture.

Until…dessert.

Then I remembered.

Melt chocolate – mostly semi-sweet, some milk, over a double boiler, add half and half or light cream until it’s a pourable consistency. Serve with fruit, cut up pound cake, and marshmallows. Give children Benadryl so they sleep.

Filed Under: Facts of Life, Holidays, In the Kitchen, Parent of the Year Tagged With: fondue