Tap Tap

My kids started taking karate lessons.  We figured we should make it official, as they’d been checking books out of the library about karate and practicing their “moves” on one another for over a year now and it was really only a matter of time before we had to explain a compound fracture or concussion to a suspicious ER doctor.

The only downside to karate, as I see it, is the chunk of my paycheck that will be going toward the class.  But that is nothing compared to the many upsides, at least at this particular place.  The biggest upside, without doubt,  being that we no longer have to parent our children ourselves.

In two classes, their instructor managed to drill into them the four or five major lessons kids need to learn in order to grow up to be decent, productive, happy, self-actualized little citizens.

Listen to your parents, and be grateful for the things others do for you.  Respect all other living things and other people’s spaces and belongings.  Take care of your body and your mind.  Self-discipline in the practice of one thing will translate to a life of happiness and accomplishment.  After getting my kids to stand at attention, respond to him with “yes, sir” every time he addressed them, and maintain eye contact with him and obey his every request for a full hour and fifteen minutes, their teacher explained the principal behind the “guard up” stance that all the students assume when they are not at rest in karate class.

You don’t have your “guard up,” necessarily, in order to constantly defend yourself from physical harm, he told them.  Instead, you practice being in the “guard up” position to remind yourself that in life you always need to have your guard up against negative influence – whether that be your friends trying to get you to do or say things you know are wrong, spending your time in ways that are ultimately harmful or not productive for you, or even to counteract your own negative “self-talk” – the nasty and critical, and often inaccurate, things the bitchy voice in your head says to you.

“Tap Tap,” he barks, as a way of initiating the command.  “Guard up!”  They yell out in unison, assuming this defensive posture, one foot back, fists clenched, and hands and elbows facing forward.  They did not take their eyes off him, not even for a second, and they talked about what he had meant the whole drive home.

Again, this is after two classes.  I can hardly wait to see what they’ll be like after a few months.  I’m thinking humanitarians?  Philosophers?  Future world leaders? People who remember to flush?

 

Hand Jive

On the one hand, in my new job I get to set my own schedule.  On the other hand, I never know what’s going to come walking through my door and demand my immediate attention.

On the one hand, in my new job I don’t have to grade papers all weekend long.  On the other hand, I’m up to my eyeballs in recommendations to write.

On the one hand, in my new job I get to go to the bathroom and eat my lunch and get coffee whenever I want.  On the other hand, I miss being near my friends at work now that my office is in a different part of the building.

On the one hand, in my new job I have a luxury fancypants parking spot.  On the other hand, I keep forgetting to go by the office and check my mailbox because I don’t automatically have to walk by it every day.

On the one hand, I love doing what I’m doing.  On the other hand…never mind.  There is no other hand for this one.

 

 

I Beg To Differ About the Leopard and His Spots

For instance,  a stitch in time doesn’t literally save “nine,” but as a procrastinator married to a procrastinator who is the parent of two procrastinators, I can assure you that just sucking it up and doing it right the first time is much easier than half assing it and having to re-do it later.  Need proof?  Come look at the way my son puts his clothes away on laundry day.  It’s a train wreck.  Then come back when I discover the train wreck and listen the battle that ensues (and ensues and ensues and ensues) until they get put away correctly.

There is no such thing as a free lunch.  There is no such thing as a free anything.  There is always a price.  Fortunately, sometimes that price is a pleasure to pay.  Such as a friendship or a smile.  Or just gratitude, because lots of people are lovely and giving and kind and generous and delighted to give of themselves just for the pleasure of doing so.  The key here is to be able to identify who IS and who ISN’T like that – because for every selfless individual there is another person who enters into every relationship thinking “what am I going to get out of this?”

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Preschool variation:  You get what you get and you don’t get upset.  Normal person’s non-ornithological variation:  Don’t be greedy.  Besides, we all have too much stuff anyway.  Last night someone mentioned that she was moving into a 700 square foot apartment with her two kids, and as I drifted off to sleep I imagined all I might get rid of and how could make my space tidy like the cabin of a boat if I lived in 700 square feet.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.  I am a huge fan of instant gratification.  I’m not a product of the right generation to have been raised to expect immediate results and immediate responses for everything, so I can only assume this is because I’m sort of hyperactive and I tend to do tasks quickly.  I’m efficient.  I’m also not very thorough when it comes to detail-oriented jobs unless they are very, very important to me.  But I need to remind myself all the time that anything worthwhile is worth waiting for – and worth working for, especially as I try to make this point to and for my kids who ARE products of a generation who not only expect but have the audacity to demand instant gratification in almost all things.  Buggers.

A leopard can’t change his spots.  I think this is wrong, actually.  Sure he can.  Why can’t he?

In totally unrelated sporting news, Andy Schleck is wearing the maillot jaune today and I assume you’re all having a Gromperekichelcher and hoisting a Bofferding Lager in celebration.