April is the Cruelest Month, Nothing to Do For It But Shop

You could attempt to temper the cruelty with poetry, healthful exercise, meditation, love affairs, and a handful of multivitamins.

Or you could just go shopping.

Since I have neither the time nor the fundage, allow me to send you on some errands through which I might live vicariously:

Let’s start highbrow so that I can establish some credibility.  Someday I dream of reading something other than essays written by ninth graders and permission slips for field trips for first graders.  When that day arrives, I  hope to get to A Visit from the Goon Squadby Jennifer Egan.  According to my friend Elizabeth Taylor, fancypants Literary Editor for the Chicago Tribune not recently deceased star of stage and screen, this work is “…Arranged into 13 chapters, each of which could be read alone as a robust short story, the novel is a polyphonic one in which the characters link together in a profoundly moving way.  Fresh and imaginative, the novel looks at a world informed by technology and marketing in a digital age in which we are bombarded with manufactured images. This novel is a testament to the power of fiction in an age of synthetics.”  You should read the entire review here, because (name drop alert) Liz is a better reviewer than I am, as should be abundantly clear by her job title.

I’m trying to make my back porch look less Hatfield and McCoy and more Candace Olsen.

This pillow is from West Elm, and even though a few of them would look perfect, I suspect that they would mildew because they’re not indoor/outdoor fabric.  I might risk it anyway.

I’m not good at makeup, but when I do buy makeup I like to go to Sephora because everything you could possibly need is all there in one place and you are encouraged to play with it.  I have learned that if you’re going to ask someone to help you with any of the makeup it’s important to ask someone who isn’t wearing much of it, because once I asked someone to help me with some eye makeup and I left the place looking like a drag queen.  These eye pencils are inexpensive, easy to apply – even for someone like me and that’s saying something, and come in a bunch of colors.

I can also pick up my Bulgari Green Tea perfume and body wash at Sephora.  And I’m out of it.  So this isn’t so much of a recommendation as it is a reminder for me that I need to go shopping before my deliciousness begins to wane.

Let’s get serious, now, shall we?

Two words.  Jane.  Marvel.  I want all of it, but I’ve selected some favorites.

Chelsea Hobo. Swoon.

Lining of aforementioned swoony bag.

Large Zip Wallet. I sort of need this to come in pink. Pretty please?

This bag would make me a better teacher. I am almost sure of it. Probably. I think.

I saved the very best for last.   This website, Band Back Together, is important.  In Aunt Becky’s own words, the Band is this:

We’re The Band. We’re a group blog. We write about the stuff no one else talks about. We break down stigmas, support each other, kick ass and take names. We are a Band of Survivors and we are here to put a face to everything that was once kept in the dark.

Aunt Becky, with some help from friends, works tirelessly to provide a safe harbor for people to share their stories.  But be not deceived, it’s not Misery Poker…I’ll see your childhood abuse and raise you an eating disorder, it’s not an emo dumping ground.  It’s a place to seek refuge and get support and get real help.

Becky is gathering resources to seek non-profit status for the Band, because, you know, all that massive profit she’s currently earning is just a-wearin’ her down.  What with the bags of diamonds she keeps finding in her closets and all.  So go here and buy one, no TWO, of the shirts that will contribute to this worthy worthy worthy cause.  They are a) funny b) saucy c) witty d) full of the awesome.    And just in case a shirt saying “shut your whore mouth” won’t cut it at the office, you can get one that says, “I’m with the band” and people will think you’re supercool, and you’ll know it’s true because you’ll be doing The Big Good.

You mean it isn't?