Well, most of it anyway.
There’s nothing much to be gained by going into a whole lot of detail about why, and I don’t even really know that I could adequately explain it, so let it suffice to say that I got my feelings hurt right out of the gate at work, and pretty much felt like crying (and did, when nobody was looking, because I’m all grown up and professional and shit) all through until, uh, now. I don’t actually think that the hurt feelings can account for the all day weep-a-thon, and the real source of my fragile mood was elusive; I just couldn’t pin it down.
Tonight was a Wednesday Spaghetti night. I don’t know how many people came over to eat dinner at my house, but whatever the number….40? 50? It was the perfect number. You could say any number to me and I would tell you it was the perfect number. I know a little bit more now, after everybody who was here – my friends and neighbors – has gone home, about why I was undone today. But more to the point, I know why I’m going to go to bed slightly more put together.
I am so lucky, lucky to have this house that holds these friends and neighbors, lucky to have this food to feed them, lucky to have these people in my life who will come out on a rainy Wednesday and be with each other and in a very ordinary and unremarkable way made remarkable in its simplicity and, for me, in, always but especially today, the comfort that it brings me.
It doesn’t have to be a spaghetti dinner, but some days you need to make sure to find your people and let them surround you with their ordinary and unremarkable ways.
I am so lucky.