You know how you swear up and down it’s going to be different next time?
I really didn’t think I was going to have to bust this out this year, but lo and behold, an oldie but a goodie.
I wrote this two years ago and at this moment the only marked difference is that my background music is Shelby Lynne’s Merry Christmas CD, given to me by Uncle Booger two days ago and much appreciated…get it now, you’ll see what I mean.
But otherwise, this is about where I am, again:
‘Twas the night before Christmas and mom’s on the brink.
Forget about cocoa, she needs a stiff drink.
The stockings got hung up by that chimney with care,
but ma didn’t even have time to wash her own hair.
The children are crazed and out of control
Mom’s threatened six times about stockings and coal.
She’s cleaning, she’s cooking, and dog sitting, too.
Really? On Christmas? She has to scoop poo?
When down in the basement arose such a din,
Mom hid in the kitchen and dared not look in.
House torn apart, kids smash and they crash
She called TWGH on his cell, “GET HOME IN A FLASH!”
The shopping was done, the table was set
The drink’s kickin’ in, that helps you can bet.
When dinner was ended and the kitchen all straight
Ma sighed a big sigh and looked at her mate.
“They’ve driven me crazy, I’m wiped out, I’m spent
The living room’s trashed and the Christmas tree’s bent.
More hyper and freaky they never have been
And just when it seems they’ll be quiet and then:
More screaming, more fighting, more “Mine, “No, it’s NOT!”
More whining, more fussing, more wiping up snot
If it goes on much longer, I swear that it’s true
Next year I’m converting; I’ll be the best Jew.”
As my bluster died down, and the kids started to fade.
I had some regrets ’bout the fuss that I’d made.
They really are sweet and so very delighted
I shouldn’t be such a grump and make them less excited.
We baked Santa’s cookies and turned out the lights
I tucked them in bed and kissed them goodnight.
I can’t stay mad at Christmas; I am such a sap.
Now excuse me, I still have tons of presents to wrap.
p.s. I didn’t really “tuck them into bed” yet, because it’s only 1:30 in the afternoon as I write this, and I’m making them clean the playroom, but I am contemplating locking them in the basement. Is that wrong? Don’t answer that.