I Got All My Sisters With Me

Went out with some New Girls the other night.  Love to find New Girls.  A girl can’t have too many Girls.

I have a very important rule, a Life Rule, if you will.  And it is this:  never trust a girl who doesn’t have other girl friends.  Notice the space there between “girl” and “friends.”  Whether or not she has girlfriends is a whole other matter and largely irrelevant (to me anyway, probably quite relevant to her).

I put the word out to my people today, and asked them to finish this sentence:

It’s important to have girl friends because they…

get it.

keep your secrets and drink girlie drinks.

listen to you blab and say incredibly inappropriate things and still want to hang out with you (ed. note: I’d say because of this still want to hang out with you).

give you sanity from all the craziness of this world, especially those you can share anything with.

will not only help you hide a body but will berate the deceased.

are there for you to roll your eyes with about your significant other and say “MEN (or whomever)! Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t shoot ‘em.”

are cheaper than a therapist and drink more wine than a therapist.

are essential for learning how to pluck hair.

will hold your hair when you’ve been overserved.

fill a need a boyfriend can’t emotionally fill.

give you someone drool over _(fill in your favorite object of drool affection here)_ with.

keep you sane.

giggle better than boys.

make you feel like you’re not crazy.

understand the trials and tribulations of being a wife and mother.

will be there to scream and jump up and down with you when you are excited or cry with you and bring you ice cream when you are brokenhearted. Who else is going to put on super high heels and go out dancing with you for a girls night out or sit around on a lazy Sunday with a cup of tea and talk about life? A true girlfriend is someone you can’t live without.

fill  the void when your mother is gone and there is a feeling that no one else is “taking care of you” anymore.

are the only ones who will tell you when you’re royally fucking up, and still go through it with you until you figure it all out…and because they keep their grubby mitts off your guy.

when your husband walks out they will ALWAYS tell you how great you are doing and you will begin to believe them.

they pretend they don’t notice when your children are manners-free.

know when to care, and when not to care.

are good listeners and don’t stare at your chest when you talk to them.

soothe your mind and comfort your soul.

will always be there even though boys may come and go and kids will grow up and leave home.

walk in when the rest of the world walks out.

make you laugh, wipe away your tears, and bring you a margarita, often in the same instance.


Why else?  Add to our list in comments!

And thanks to all the girls who chimed in via email, Facebook, and Twitter with your speedy responses today.  I love you long time.

The Bay: Nine to Forty-Two

I started going to sleep away camp, a YMCA camp called Camp Tockwogh (that would be a silent “GH” there at the end for those uninitiated among you), when I was about nine, maybe ten, but I have a distinct memory of being in about third grade.  The mostly white, upper middle class, either Protestant or Jewish (can’t explain it, but there it is) campers were, naturally, divided into their Indian (it was the 70′s, they were Indians then) villages and then further into their Indian cabins.  I started out as a Pawnee Navajo, then was a Chickasaw, then, finally a Ute.  That’s when most of the kissing and sneaking around at night happened.

But that’s not the point.

The point is that Camp Tockwogh was perched on a cliff overlooking the Chesapeake Bay in Worton, Maryland.  The days were divided into four activity periods, during which campers could do arts and crafts, softball, tennis, horseback riding, archery, riflery (hello!??  try to get that one past the lawyers today), swimming lessons, canoeing, and a bunch of other stuff.  I probably played tennis every once in a while, but pretty much for 9 straight years, I spent my mornings sailing and my afternoons water-skiing.  Or sailing again.

If you’ve never been on or in the Chesapeake Bay, particularly the Northern part, it’s not exactly Caribbean blue.  It’s a hell of a lot cleaner now that it used to be, and it’s still quite brown.  We’d sit at the long lunchtables in the dining hall at Tockwogh in between the morning sailing and afternoon water-skiing with beards of dried “bay scum” on our faces.  Niiiiiice.  The bay is, like I said, much cleaner now, but it’s still murky and silty.   I’m generally a little wimpy about water I can’t see through, but maybe because I grew up in it and in August in Maryland it’s so damn hot you’d just about swim in a cesspool to beat the heat, so the water in the Bay doesn’t bother me one bit.*

While mostly I sailed Sunfish, when I was younger I learned in larger groups sailing a chunky, deep cockpit boat called a Flying Scot, and when I was older they let me loose on a Laser from time to time.  To be clear, I wasn’t a particularly spectacular sailor, mostly I just tooled around on the bay with my friends, having bailer fights, working on my tan, and flirting with boys, but I spent about six hours a day, sometimes more, swimming in that murky brown water of the Chesapeake Bay for weeks at a time during much of my youth.

When there was no wind, the sailing instructors would zoom by in their Boston Whalers and flip our Sunfish to make us practice righting the boats.   When a summer thunderstorm brewed up out of nowhere, we learned how to take down our masts and lay them alongside the boats so we wouldn’t be easy targets for lightning;  it never occurred to us to be scared.  When we turned 15 and had to pass lifesaving tests, they made us sail out to the shipping channel, jump off the boats, tie them to the Whalers to be towed in, and swim back to shore.  I loved everything about camp, except the six foot black snake we once found in Audrey’s bunk one afternoon, but I loved sailing on the bay the most.

My husband’s family has always had a part ownership of a sailboat on the bay.  The first time I remember going out with them on the boat was when I was still in high school.  His older sister was planning a wedding that, for reasons long forgotten – at least by me – (it’s cool – she did better) never happened.  I sat in the back seat and looked at bridal magazines with her and thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  I remember absolutely nothing about that day sailing, but I remember eating crabs at The Tap Room in Chesapeake City on the way home.  The next trip I remember was the two of us and his parents and we ate at the Bayard House, which was a much more elegant option than the Tap Room.  I think his parents were hoping to create a romantic mood.  Mission accomplished, obviously.  About five years earlier.   I remember little about that day sailing as well.  But there have been so many days on the bay, and some nights, too, since then, and they all leave the same kind of imprints.

Even when it’s scorching hot and the air is so steamy it chokes you, if you’re out on the Bay and there’s a breeze, you’re doing OK.  This time of year the water is warmer than I’d like it to be, but just cool enough to revive us and make us feel like eating lunch was do-able.  We motor out of the marina, and I forget every time how quiet it is as soon as we cut the engine and are under sail, especially if we’re lucky enough to be clear of any one on jet skis.   My favorite spot to stop for lunch is on the Corsica River, but that’s not an option if the boat isn’t lodged at a Marina near there.  Yesterday, though, when it was so hot at home we thought we might perish or commit acts of violence towards each other, the Bay saved us.  We hustled south, stopping only to stock the cooler.

Once out on the water, we found the breeze, we found a great spot to swim, we found the quiet, and we even found some bald eagles and cormorants and ospreys.  Ultimately, we found the restorative we needed.  And we found a big mess of crabs at the Tap Room on the drive home.

My husband, who is the true sailor of the family, is teaching my kids how to sail.  When the time comes, perhaps I’ll teach them how to dominate a water fight and apply their own sunscreen.  We often sail right by Tockwogh’s sandy cliffs and beach, and I can see the Sunfishes cutting abbreviated zigzag tacks out from shore and back again, and occasionally stopping for a bailer fight.

*Note:  Back in the olden days, when I went to camp, there was no pool. Now, of course, there’s a pool.  Probably also maids.  And other newfangled stuff, like electricity.

Swim Club, Mid-July, Same as It Ever Was

You could slap a pair of headphones on me at any time in the future and in any place and I could identify the sound you played for me without a moment’s hesitation.

“It’s the pool,” I’d say, “Mid July.”

The same pool I’ve been going to since I was five.  Where I raced against much taller girls in swim meets. Where I played in the deep end until the skin on my fingertips puckered and peeled.  Where I practiced flips off the diving board.  Where I learned to do headstands.  Where I became a master of Marco Polo.  Where I worked for five summers.  Where, on the steps in front of the locker rooms at the ripe old age of 13, my now husband and then object of affection first asked me to marry him.

I’m listening to the same sounds now.  Truth be told, they are the same sounds but one town over.  I took a circuitous route around the country to get here, but I ended up only about three miles from where I started.  Maybe fewer.  I haven’t actually measured.   That geographical detail is immaterial, though.  I could still identify the sound.

What’s harder is splitting the one sound into its component parts.

Happy shrieks.

Babies slapping their chubby hands on the surface of the water.

Lifeguard whistles punctuating the day, followed by the low and almost reluctant admonition, “Walk.”

The background thrum, but louder louder then softer softer in ceaseless waves, of cicadas.

Swoosh, scream, sploosh of the slide.

The clang and reverb and hanging silence before the splash of the diving board.

In the distance, a rhythmic thwap and return of tennis balls.

The cadence of the lap swimmers as they carve through the water in tidy back and forth rows.

Teenage girls’ voices amplified to ensure that the boys hear their calculated phrasing.

Magazine pages turning.

Mom/babysitter and kid call and response “Come see!”  “In a second!”

Negotiations over complicated rules of made up games of pool tag.

Laughing laughing laughing.