I finally saw the movie Twilight. I didn’t read the book because I watched my brother as he plodded through Eclipse, the third book in the series even though he didn’t want to because he felt like he couldn’t stop and the zombie like way he’d moan, “must…finish….book…” freaked me out. I suspect that he’d actually been BITTEN and therefore seduced in some sadistic and mystical way because why the hell otherwise would one willingly plow through a 22,000 page book that he hated from page 3? Right? With me? Damn vampires.
It’s called tan in a can…look into it.
The movie was two things. One: overacted, dramatic, obvious, predictable teen dreck. Two: Totally awesome and fantabulous in every way, I almost watched it twice back to back, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two days.
What? I’m an enigma.
It’s very difficult for me to write any kind of serious criticism of the movie because ultimately it all ends up with “And Edward is hot and I’d let him bite me any time.” For instance, though the movie obviously abridged the original text, I don’t think the “missing pieces” were that critical because ultimately, all I cared about was watching Edward because Edward is hot and I’d let him bite me any time. Or, the lighting and setting selections were generally useful in establishing mood and tension, but at times they felt too studied and predictable but really, it didn’t matter because the only thing I cared about seeing on screen is Edward because Edward is hot and I’d let him bite me any time. I can’t even go full tilt batsnot crazy about the fact that Stephanie Meyer is fooling approximately NOBODY by claiming that she can still be a good and devout Mormon and write about Vampire Love because it’s about restraint and self-control and true love. More like it’s about what happens when an entire religion and the culture that grows out of that religion suppresses people’s natural instincts and desires so that they finally express their repressed sexuality in a frantic and sometimes even demented manner. It’s still lust if they don’t act on it, Steph. And it’s still lust if blood-sucking, actual physical ingestion of another (hello, still putting part of someone into a part of someone else? Ringing any bells?), is a metaphor for but not exactly the same as doing the humpty dance.
And. Edward is hot and I’d let him bite me any time.
See? Can’t escape it.
I was informed by someone who lives in my house that it was appropriate for me to be loving the movie because Twilight Moms are the newest thing.
Let’s just establish here for the record that I don’t care about the “newest thing” and if THIS is any indication of what these Twilight Moms are all about, then I am not one.
I think that anybody who self-identifies as any kind of specific Mom has issues. Mom is sufficient. In fact, just being Mom is a tremendous amount of work. As in, busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest. If you have to throw in “soccer” or “hockey” or “alcoholic” or “Twilight” before “Mom,” you probably have too much time on your hands and/or no actual concept of what mothering is.
One last thing: Edward is hot and I’d let him bite me any time.