Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me
Or, more accurately, don't you wish your girlfriend was honest and scrappy like me?
Probably not. Which is sort of the point.
Emily and Jennifer at Mothers of Brothers bestowed upon me this little bit of bling:
and for this I am truly grateful.
Also, squirmy. My whole life people have said to me, in a not-always-wholly-admiring way, "You're so honest." This used to make me insane. What the hell else would I be? Is the expectation that we are all liars? I get now that "You're so honest" can be code for, "Hey, Lady, moderate it a bit. Know your audience." I'm still learning.
I do carry on about how important it is for me to be honest about what Real Life is like, particularly for women. In terms of body image, home life, married life, mothering life, sex life, work life...all of it, women too often toil extra hard to project an image of serene perfection. Which is, excuse me, Bullshit. If you are doing any of those things right, you are neither serene nor perfect. At least not all the time.
Still.
I'm a woman.
Therefore, I lie.
I, too, fall prey to the "Oh, it was nothing," "I didn't clean especially for you, I promise," "We are all doing great! The kids love school, and the business is doing so well despite the craptastic economy!"
I recognize that this is unfair. It's unfair to everybody. It's not always great, people argue, life is messy, school is hard, kids have issues, someone gets sick, mom has signed us up for one committee too many...again, the house gets dirty and, if you are very lucky, you have better things to do than clean it. It's unfair to "set" an unattainable standard by which other women will, inevitably, measure themselves, and it's unfair for me to set that kind of standard for myself. If you say something you know isn't true often enough, even you will start to believe it.
Following Emily's lead, and despite the fact that it makes me vaguely nauseated to do so, here are ten honest things about me:
1) My husband has no idea how much I weigh, and if I ever have anything to say about, he never will. I don't care if I'm on IV liquids for a month and practically emaciated, there is no way I ever want to be in a situation where he is walking behind me up the stairs and a number pops into his head.
2) My kids eat at McDonalds at least once every two weeks.
3) My parents maintain that they didn't worry about me too much because they felt I had enough common sense and was enough of a control freak to avoid getting into any serious trouble. WRONG. Just lucky.
4) I don't know the times tables. I can handle it all up until the sixes, but then it all falls apart.
5) Last night, my son told the dog to "get her ass in here." Wonder where he learned that?
6) I hate talking on the phone. I will avoid calling you back as long as I can possibly get away with it, not because I don't adore you and want to hear from you and about you, but because I'm a freak weirdo. TWGH makes most of the playdates.
7) It took me much longer than I'd expected to bond with my daughter right after she was born. I can hardly even write about it without choking up just remembering how guilty and how much of a failure I felt.
8) It's OK though, because now, she's the boss of me.
9) I wish I were a better mother and wife. I wish I weren't so protective of my own personal time and space that I could give more both to my family.
10) I am certain that I am the only person on the planet who is incapable of running. As in, I can actually, physically make my body RUN, but I cannot run more than 1/2 a mile without feeling like I'm going to die. No matter how hard I try to build up gradually, train responsibly, work at it, I give up because I cannot do it. I used to be able to run three miles no problem...I can do intervals of running and walking for an hour. As long as they are short, short, short intervals. Thinking about this takes up more of my mental energy than is appropriate.
So now it's my turn to pass it on:
Fever
Formerly Fun
A Widow for One Year
Probably not. Which is sort of the point.
Emily and Jennifer at Mothers of Brothers bestowed upon me this little bit of bling:
and for this I am truly grateful.
Also, squirmy. My whole life people have said to me, in a not-always-wholly-admiring way, "You're so honest." This used to make me insane. What the hell else would I be? Is the expectation that we are all liars? I get now that "You're so honest" can be code for, "Hey, Lady, moderate it a bit. Know your audience." I'm still learning.
I do carry on about how important it is for me to be honest about what Real Life is like, particularly for women. In terms of body image, home life, married life, mothering life, sex life, work life...all of it, women too often toil extra hard to project an image of serene perfection. Which is, excuse me, Bullshit. If you are doing any of those things right, you are neither serene nor perfect. At least not all the time.
Still.
I'm a woman.
Therefore, I lie.
I, too, fall prey to the "Oh, it was nothing," "I didn't clean especially for you, I promise," "We are all doing great! The kids love school, and the business is doing so well despite the craptastic economy!"
I recognize that this is unfair. It's unfair to everybody. It's not always great, people argue, life is messy, school is hard, kids have issues, someone gets sick, mom has signed us up for one committee too many...again, the house gets dirty and, if you are very lucky, you have better things to do than clean it. It's unfair to "set" an unattainable standard by which other women will, inevitably, measure themselves, and it's unfair for me to set that kind of standard for myself. If you say something you know isn't true often enough, even you will start to believe it.
Following Emily's lead, and despite the fact that it makes me vaguely nauseated to do so, here are ten honest things about me:
1) My husband has no idea how much I weigh, and if I ever have anything to say about, he never will. I don't care if I'm on IV liquids for a month and practically emaciated, there is no way I ever want to be in a situation where he is walking behind me up the stairs and a number pops into his head.
2) My kids eat at McDonalds at least once every two weeks.
3) My parents maintain that they didn't worry about me too much because they felt I had enough common sense and was enough of a control freak to avoid getting into any serious trouble. WRONG. Just lucky.
4) I don't know the times tables. I can handle it all up until the sixes, but then it all falls apart.
5) Last night, my son told the dog to "get her ass in here." Wonder where he learned that?
6) I hate talking on the phone. I will avoid calling you back as long as I can possibly get away with it, not because I don't adore you and want to hear from you and about you, but because I'm a freak weirdo. TWGH makes most of the playdates.
7) It took me much longer than I'd expected to bond with my daughter right after she was born. I can hardly even write about it without choking up just remembering how guilty and how much of a failure I felt.
8) It's OK though, because now, she's the boss of me.
9) I wish I were a better mother and wife. I wish I weren't so protective of my own personal time and space that I could give more both to my family.
10) I am certain that I am the only person on the planet who is incapable of running. As in, I can actually, physically make my body RUN, but I cannot run more than 1/2 a mile without feeling like I'm going to die. No matter how hard I try to build up gradually, train responsibly, work at it, I give up because I cannot do it. I used to be able to run three miles no problem...I can do intervals of running and walking for an hour. As long as they are short, short, short intervals. Thinking about this takes up more of my mental energy than is appropriate.
So now it's my turn to pass it on:
Fever
Formerly Fun
A Widow for One Year
Posted by Well Read Hostess at 10/6/2009 12:02 PM 
Categories: Keeping It Real,WRH,Parent of the Year
Tags: awards honesty Mothers of Brothers parenting
Categories: Keeping It Real,WRH,Parent of the Year
Tags: awards honesty Mothers of Brothers parenting
Okay, so yeah to 2, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9. Totally.
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I always love your posts. Great stuff!
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Oh lord. I hate the phone. I hate making phone calls. Doctors appointments, dinner reservations and I will break out in a cold sweat if I have to call to "catch up."
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Thank you--I think! I've been told often enough I'm a little too honest.
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You are on a hot streak with these posts. Just outstanding. Honesty brings excitement to the world Honesty allows for real conversations, not phony how are you how's the weather types of conversations. I once had a very intelligent person once say of me,"he says what other people think but won't say out loud". I call that honesty, my wife might have another name for it.
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See, this is how I know we would totally be BFFs if we met. (And we should.) I'm 100% with you on #1, 2 (try weekly, ha-HA!), 6, 9, and 10? Did you steal that from me? I have long held that my body was not designed to be able to run. I think it's my lungs and tend to blame my parents for smoking in the car when I was little, but that's probably a red herring.
BTW, my husband loved YOUR menu selection the very best and had I not been completely hellbent on a romantic dinner, he would have insisted upon your scenario. I'm certain he's tucked it away for a future date night...
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thank you! I'm getting on this right now, even if I can't get it done soon!
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SO with you on #s 1, 9 and 10. I am built for comfort, not speed.
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You know, it's funny how you can read someone else's words and know exactly what they mean. Stay honest!
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Whoa. We were separated at birth. No, really, we were.
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