30 Rock
Dear Powers That Be at MSNBC:
I'm so pleased that you took my advice about removing Keith Olbermann as a "reporter" from political coverage. While his show provides an occasionally entertaining counterpoint to Bill O'Reilly, that Glenn Beck person, and the vitriolic spew of Sean Hannity, I defy anyone to say, with a straight face, that his reportage is unbiased. I've been threatening to stop watching MSNBC for weeks now because of the slant to the left in your coverage...I'm slanted to the left enough for all of us, thanks. I can't entirely quit you, MSNBC, because I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the sheer goofiness of Chris Matthews. Well, sheer goofiness, and he's actually intelligent, which doesn't always shine through when he's pretending to be an objective journalist either; his edit mode frequently malfunctions.
I understand why you wanted to keep it on the DL that you were taking programming advice from a not-a-blogger with a minuscule following, but good for you for looking to the little guy for some guidance. In the spirit of cooperation, here are some other suggestions I have for you, and, in fact, for the entire NBC family:
Please put Alec Baldwin on a leash. He is riotously funny on tv. The "Shwetty Balls" skit on SNL never gets tired, and he is perfect on 30 Rock. Nevertheless, his personal life is a train wreck and now he's written a book about it. Lordy lordy. This can't end well.
Stop accepting ad money from feminine hygiene product manufacturers who insist on showering maxi pads with blue water. That's just weird. The only thing weirder is the ad for tampons that has a red END PUNCTUATION MARK...yes, a period...bouncing along the entire commercial.
I actually like that Scarborough fellow, but needs a tranquilizer. Maybe grind up a few valium in his cup of "Morning Joe"? And don't put him in large groups; he's got an alpha male thing going that induces him to start the verbal sparring equivalent of a doberman humping a leg. Not pretty.
I miss Scrubs. Just thought I'd mention it.
If you ever, ever, ever again ask Paris Hilton to be on Saturday Night Live I'll...I don't know. But I'll think of something.
Stop dicking around with the peacock. It's a peacock. We know it's the symbol for the network. Why must you make it dance, turn it into a fan, spin in, and wave it in the air? It's not even clear to me why the symbol is a peacock in the first place - this seems weirdly anachronistic...it looks a lot like the Partridge Family logo.
Bossy hearts Rachel Maddow. But between you, me, and the lamppost, I just don't see it. Her mouth does something funny when she talks, and I appreciate the perspective of a sharp and articulate self-possessed woman, but I don't know that she merits a whole show to her little old self. Plus, won't this just bolster the popular opinion that you are the Fox News of the left?
Speaking of which. Fox News is a joke. This is common knowledge. One would think that someone at the brain trust that is the National Broadcasting Corporation would have recommended NOT becoming the Fox News of the Left in the eyes of much of the viewing public.
Finally, and I know this seems a little far fetched, but bear with me. Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams should challenge Stephanopolous and Gibson to a throw-down. Not a debate. An actual fight. If you made it a pay-per-view event, I'll bet you could easily make up your tampon ad revenue.
Oh, and wait...one more thing. More Brian Williams. At every possible turn. His tan is a miracle of science? Nature? Who knows.
Feel free to get in touch any time.
Love,
WRH
I'm so pleased that you took my advice about removing Keith Olbermann as a "reporter" from political coverage. While his show provides an occasionally entertaining counterpoint to Bill O'Reilly, that Glenn Beck person, and the vitriolic spew of Sean Hannity, I defy anyone to say, with a straight face, that his reportage is unbiased. I've been threatening to stop watching MSNBC for weeks now because of the slant to the left in your coverage...I'm slanted to the left enough for all of us, thanks. I can't entirely quit you, MSNBC, because I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the sheer goofiness of Chris Matthews. Well, sheer goofiness, and he's actually intelligent, which doesn't always shine through when he's pretending to be an objective journalist either; his edit mode frequently malfunctions.
I understand why you wanted to keep it on the DL that you were taking programming advice from a not-a-blogger with a minuscule following, but good for you for looking to the little guy for some guidance. In the spirit of cooperation, here are some other suggestions I have for you, and, in fact, for the entire NBC family:
Please put Alec Baldwin on a leash. He is riotously funny on tv. The "Shwetty Balls" skit on SNL never gets tired, and he is perfect on 30 Rock. Nevertheless, his personal life is a train wreck and now he's written a book about it. Lordy lordy. This can't end well.
Stop accepting ad money from feminine hygiene product manufacturers who insist on showering maxi pads with blue water. That's just weird. The only thing weirder is the ad for tampons that has a red END PUNCTUATION MARK...yes, a period...bouncing along the entire commercial.
I actually like that Scarborough fellow, but needs a tranquilizer. Maybe grind up a few valium in his cup of "Morning Joe"? And don't put him in large groups; he's got an alpha male thing going that induces him to start the verbal sparring equivalent of a doberman humping a leg. Not pretty.
I miss Scrubs. Just thought I'd mention it.
If you ever, ever, ever again ask Paris Hilton to be on Saturday Night Live I'll...I don't know. But I'll think of something.
Stop dicking around with the peacock. It's a peacock. We know it's the symbol for the network. Why must you make it dance, turn it into a fan, spin in, and wave it in the air? It's not even clear to me why the symbol is a peacock in the first place - this seems weirdly anachronistic...it looks a lot like the Partridge Family logo.
Bossy hearts Rachel Maddow. But between you, me, and the lamppost, I just don't see it. Her mouth does something funny when she talks, and I appreciate the perspective of a sharp and articulate self-possessed woman, but I don't know that she merits a whole show to her little old self. Plus, won't this just bolster the popular opinion that you are the Fox News of the left?
Speaking of which. Fox News is a joke. This is common knowledge. One would think that someone at the brain trust that is the National Broadcasting Corporation would have recommended NOT becoming the Fox News of the Left in the eyes of much of the viewing public.
Finally, and I know this seems a little far fetched, but bear with me. Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams should challenge Stephanopolous and Gibson to a throw-down. Not a debate. An actual fight. If you made it a pay-per-view event, I'll bet you could easily make up your tampon ad revenue.
Oh, and wait...one more thing. More Brian Williams. At every possible turn. His tan is a miracle of science? Nature? Who knows.
Feel free to get in touch any time.
Love,
WRH
Thank you for taking care of the Matthews/Olbermann thing. You saved me the trouble. You're a peach!
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Sigh! I miss Tom Brokaw.
And I really miss Tim Russert. Now he was unbiased.
I watched Fox news once. OMG--what a joke. It's horrible. Do people actually watch it? Does it get ratings?
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Going to have to disagree with you on this one oh wrh holiness. The fact is many people in this country watch FOX NOISE and take it as gospel. The fact that MSNBC is countering that, with in my opinion, some good programming that leans left is a smart move. You and I are smart enough to see through the spin but maybe there are some others that will be convinced that the republicans are the evil empire and democrats are the heroic rebels led by Barak Obiwon Obama trying to stand up for the little guy. Simplistic yes, but let us not forget this is America. Where an unqualified fringey religious woman can become the savior of around half our country. I like Keith Olberman and he still is more objective then all the other blow hards you mentioned.
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Now could you please get ABC to get that poop-on-my-shoe Elizabeth canned?
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Interesting piece on Alec Baldwin in the Sept. 8 New Yorker (the one that has McCain on the cover in shorts and a bow tie drinking a martini and playing Monopoly).
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The peacock isn't so bad...it's gay friendly. And that is saying something with the culture we live in.
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http://tvbythenumbers.com/category/ratings/top-news/cable-news
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Hey, did I get edited?
I swore I had a reply to this that included typing out George S's stupidly long name TWICE, a mention of Brian Williams' tough guy former job, and bashing Dan (a little, but he had it coming).
Where'd it go?
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WTF is going on? Am I being blocked?
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Nope. Just crazy, probably. Ignore this and the previous comment. But not the first one - where'd my stuff from yesterday go?
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Clayjack! I just wrote you an email, but I would NEVER EVER block you, darling! Never! I have no idea what's going on.
By the way, unless someone writes something that reveals too much about me personally, like if they use my kids' names or something, call me names that would upset my mom, or threaten violence, I wouldn't block them. I don't even block the passive aggressive anonymous link poster. BTW, link poster, I think you might be missing my point, but comment away if you want to! Glad someone is reading at least!
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I'm not mad - not in the least. Just bizzy bizzy. BTW, calling me darling will get you everywhere.
I don't think I got your email, but I did see your comment on my blog - I don't recall the specifics of my original comment, other than wanting to tell Dan he was looking at the world through poop colored lenses or something.
And that Brian Williams used to be a firefighter before he was a news guy. He could kick Stephanopoulos' and Gibson's ass without ever needing Brokaw to lift a finger. Maybe Brokaw could just hypnotize George S and Chuckles G by repeating "lollapalooza" over and over, then Williams could finish 'em off.
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