Sand In My Bathing Suit
The Facts of Life, Part II
If your packing list for a week at the beach looks like this:
seven days' worth of clothes for four people
every bathing suit you can lay hands on
beach towels
toiletries
...including root touch up kit because work starts the day after you get back, and, DAMN!
nail polish
sun screen
bug spray
tan in a can
large floppy sun hat
seventeen large novels
four cardboard boxes full of English 9 prep
computer
kids' books
kids' art supplies
cooler
bikes
bike trailer
exercise clothes
ipod
buckets
shovels
sand trucks
beach umbrella
paper plates
paper napkins
cutlery
cups
dish soap
laundry detergent
diet pepsi
juice boxes
beer
wine
Here's what you will have packed so far:
beer
wine
tan in a can
If your "to do before you leave town for the beach" list looks like this:
scale laundry mountain
take recycling to land o' recycling
remake beds
dismantle pirate ship made of dining room chairs and bedsheets that appeared miraculously yesterday while you werereading O Magazine thinking deep thoughts
clean bathrooms
sweep
vacuum
obliterate all plastic crap that belongs to children and is evidence of too many Happy Meals clean up toys
mail the packages that have been sitting by the door for a week
drop off copying at work so that you are ready for the school year to begin
go to the bank
have panic attack after viewing bank balance
recover from panic attack and vow to find new career as hedge fund manager
stop newspaper
clean out the fridge
turn off icemaker
arrange for fish-feeding
locate missing hermit crab
pay bills
respond to shocking number of emails left unanswered
get driver's license renewed - 10 months AND COUNTING
empty trash
pack
Here's what you will have done:
"clean out" the fridge - eating, cleaning, what's the difference?
make lists
read article about Jon Stewart in today's NYTimes and plan your wedding to him that will occur AFTER your husband and his wife meet at the airport in Chicago and fall madly in love and leave you both despondent.
If your packing list for a week at the beach looks like this:
seven days' worth of clothes for four people
every bathing suit you can lay hands on
beach towels
toiletries
...including root touch up kit because work starts the day after you get back, and, DAMN!
nail polish
sun screen
bug spray
tan in a can
large floppy sun hat
seventeen large novels
four cardboard boxes full of English 9 prep
computer
kids' books
kids' art supplies
cooler
bikes
bike trailer
exercise clothes
ipod
buckets
shovels
sand trucks
beach umbrella
paper plates
paper napkins
cutlery
cups
dish soap
laundry detergent
diet pepsi
juice boxes
beer
wine
Here's what you will have packed so far:
beer
wine
tan in a can
If your "to do before you leave town for the beach" list looks like this:
scale laundry mountain
take recycling to land o' recycling
remake beds
dismantle pirate ship made of dining room chairs and bedsheets that appeared miraculously yesterday while you were
clean bathrooms
sweep
vacuum
mail the packages that have been sitting by the door for a week
drop off copying at work so that you are ready for the school year to begin
go to the bank
have panic attack after viewing bank balance
recover from panic attack and vow to find new career as hedge fund manager
stop newspaper
clean out the fridge
turn off icemaker
arrange for fish-feeding
locate missing hermit crab
pay bills
respond to shocking number of emails left unanswered
get driver's license renewed - 10 months AND COUNTING
empty trash
pack
Here's what you will have done:
"clean out" the fridge - eating, cleaning, what's the difference?
make lists
read article about Jon Stewart in today's NYTimes and plan your wedding to him that will occur AFTER your husband and his wife meet at the airport in Chicago and fall madly in love and leave you both despondent.
Amen, sister. All I can say is amen.
Oh, and also stand back from Jon Stewart because between him and Harry Connick I have myself the perfect husbands (note I reference plural husband here, but just wait, I combine them in the next sentence). Let's put Jon's wit with Harry's looks and, as I said, stand back.
I came here from Meg/Soupisnotafingerfood, and am glad I did.
-cbw
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Jon Stewart is mine mine mine. Fight you for him.
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Oh, this made me laugh and really took me back...I remember repeating to myself, over and over, it will all be done by the time we leave, it will all be done by the time we leave...for days before we left. Usually as I sat there reading a good book. Have a great time!
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CBW - Harry loves me, sorry.
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Oh, that silly Chesapeake Bay Woman, thinking she can have BOTH of those fantasy husbands. What she doesn't realize is that Harry is MINE, should he ever decide to leave his lingerie-model wife. I bet she can't carry a tune in a paper sack, though, but I sure can. Harumpf.
So anyway. How is it that you captured exactly what happened at my house during the packing process? GAH! I'm ready to stay put. Only one more weekend away.
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Harry belongs to me, seriously.
And that lingerie model of a waif, oops, wife, is no competition for a severely- obsessed future wife called Chesapeake Bay Woman. I played basketball and I know how to box out.
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AG's list reads:
Have a feckin' vacation this year!!!!!!!!
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