Ignorance is Bliss
I'm filching from her, and she filched from her, and she filched from them.
But first, in the interest of domestic harmony and not getting the stink eye all weekend from TWGH , let me say that the items on my list (have I mentioned how I adore lists? Well. I do. A lot.) do not necessarily come from my own personal life and experience. Let's just say that I have a friend who knows some people who have identified these gaps in men's knowledge and that friend teleported those gaps in knowledge, in list form, into my head. p.s. "stink eye" is not a euphemism for anything else. It's really not.
Ahem.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
1. Women DO NOT possess special knowledge that makes them the only members of a household privy to the top secret hiding place of the tupperware.
2. Mornings are not generally our favorite time.
3. Those of us who are functional (e.g. kids are healthy and relatively clean, you've got some friends, you haven't done any time) and who like to be busy are control freaks. Pointing out to a control freak that she is a control freak is a good way to get hurt.
4. We are control freaks and busy because if we want anything done right , oh never mind.
5. When we decided to marry you, which was, by the way, probably long before you decided to marry us, we'd already considered that you would make a good father (and decided yes).
6. We never feel that we're doing it all as well as we want to or could.
7. We are totally on to the fact that most of the famous chefs in the world are men. It is only out of the kindness of our hearts that we don't point this out on a regular basis. Be grateful.
8. The older women get, the more chin hair they grow. Mention it once in public and we will seriously consider unmanning you.
9. We like to look at you when you're getting dressed.
10. The most strident feminist among us wants to be adored. In a way that lets everyone know it. But not PDA or blood diamonds - you CAN get non-blood diamonds, though, ya know.
But first, in the interest of domestic harmony
Ahem.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
1. Women DO NOT possess special knowledge that makes them the only members of a household privy to the top secret hiding place of the tupperware.
2. Mornings are not generally our favorite time.
3. Those of us who are functional (e.g. kids are healthy and relatively clean, you've got some friends, you haven't done any time) and who like to be busy are control freaks. Pointing out to a control freak that she is a control freak is a good way to get hurt.
4. We are control freaks and busy because if we want anything done right , oh never mind.
5. When we decided to marry you, which was, by the way, probably long before you decided to marry us, we'd already considered that you would make a good father (and decided yes).
6. We never feel that we're doing it all as well as we want to or could.
7. We are totally on to the fact that most of the famous chefs in the world are men. It is only out of the kindness of our hearts that we don't point this out on a regular basis. Be grateful.
8. The older women get, the more chin hair they grow. Mention it once in public and we will seriously consider unmanning you.
9. We like to look at you when you're getting dressed.
10. The most strident feminist among us wants to be adored. In a way that lets everyone know it. But not PDA or blood diamonds - you CAN get non-blood diamonds, though, ya know.
Dear WRH,
In the future please do not utilize FIF in such a way that your filch is better than mine. It may impact me in such a way that I will spit. And snort. At you.
I don't know how you manage to work and have a family.
Sincerely,
Nutmeg
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I'm especially fond of #3
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My husband not only thinks I am privy to the secret hiding place of Tupperware but to any item in the house. The worst is he thinks I keep track of where he takes his shoe off in the evening and asks me every morning where they are, like I wore them or something.
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