The Horror, The Horror...in so many ways
I am NOT having a good afternoon. Unless coming unglued at the Acme is your idea of a good time. In which case...hooray!
I looked and felt like this as my two children chased each other around the cart in the frozen food section trying to see who could yell "Fart" the loudest before I completely snapped. This was shortly after my daughter threw a box of Lucky Charms at me because I said I wouldn't buy them for her. The cereal hurling episode occurred, conveniently, in front of someone I know and see frequently around town. If I had any pride left in reserve, it might have suffered a minor injury at this point. Fortunately, I ran out of pride about five years ago when my son developed a stomach virus on the red eye flight from Philadelphia to San Diego. Both ends. All night. We had middle seats.
I looked more like this as I tried to hide behind the cantaloupes when I actually heard the bitchy, nasty, naggy, berating tone of my own voice as I finally did snap. I did, actually, start to cry. Nobody saw. Except the produce guy, and I don't care what he knows.
I suspect that the sight of me, red-eyed, muttering obscenities under my breath, and bashing the two-seater police car grocery cart into every single LUCKY CHARMS end-unit display tower in my path - and let me just interject here that there must be some kind of freak Lucky Charms promotional thing going on because there were no fewer than five of these in the store - made the other shoppers think that I belonged in one of these nice jackets.
I finally got out of there without even the tiniest shred of dignity to cling to and a $200 grocery bill, $100 of which can be attributed to the completely random crap I agreed to buy (BUT NOT LUCKY CHARMS) for my daughter because she has, in the past week and as direct punishment for the fact that vacation is over and I've returned to work, gone from eating a limited number of items to two. Two. 2. One, Two. Apples. Carrots. 2.
I think I need this:
Or maybe some of this:
Upon deeper reflection, however, I think that it's most likely, unfortunately, that I'm going to be needing this:
Was that too much information? Sorry.
My mother had this moment once with us. It was during a wedding in a church. She quite literally got up and left for 45 minutes.
We never acted up again. At least not like that.
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Wine, definitely. Maybe with a hot bath. Why not ditch your husband tomorrow evening and come over for a tipple? There's plenty of tequila for us both.
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Poor, poor dear. I know how you feel. I once started bawling when the boys were eating dinner because a glass knocked over (this is a daily occurrance) and the husband was all, "Uh...Aunt Flo coming this week?" And I was all, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK THAT?" And he was all, "Uh...pretty obvious."
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Apples and carrots are the only things she'll eat? I bow in your general direction. My son only eats wheat and rice based products. I just sat here for a full two mintues trying to remember the last actual fruit or vegetable he ate. I think there was a banana sometime this March.
You rule. Even when you don't think so.
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And I think I'm gonna need NABA.
What's that, you ask? Not-a-blog Anonymous.
Yes, I'm addicted. I think you're hilarious and way talented. Welcome back from vacay. ....Lisa
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